It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
