did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
