Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
