we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
