I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
