I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
