So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to have your abortion
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
