I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize