I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
