We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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