well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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