I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
