We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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