I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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