If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
