so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
