dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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