that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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