So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That accounts for only three of the penises
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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