Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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