I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
