I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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