Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have fence marks all over my body
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
