Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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