i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
