You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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