dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
