you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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