I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
