How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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