my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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