So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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