We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
