You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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