Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
