5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
