Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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