if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
