it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
