Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
