so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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