You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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