Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
