Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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