I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
