so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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