We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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