mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The beer is more important than you right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
