You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
