You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
