i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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