I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
