I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
